Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Men are NOT simple

This is a general reflection on what has been buzzing around and colliding inside the space between my ears the past few days. Yes, you will shake your head at the conclusions I make in the following commentary. And YES, it really did take me this long to make these connections.

Here's the deal: Men are NOT simple, not to me. But, it's not the kind of complication that gets frustrating, it's more like the kind that makes me shake my head and laugh.

This is how the title of this blog entry started to evolve and take shape:

Once upon a time (in a land very very close to here) there was a man that spoke to me as if he were a combination of the bartender on Boondock Saints (the one who mix and matched his sayings and cursed up a storm) and "The Fonz." Many days of conversation (the term is used lightly) in passing by this man brought forth very often...very very often a "Heeeey" with this mans shoulders bobbing up and his palms flipping towards the heavens as if to greet the great greaser gods. After the traditional "Fonz Heeeeeyyy" the words that followed would be either incomprehensible or a mix match of crazy phrases. I LOVE THIS. This man has made me smile day in and day out for one simple reason. I LOVE a puzzle. It's like trying to speak in pig latin for an extended period of time with your best friend forever from second grade. It's a tricky conversation! Today was a simple one that has befuddled myself and another person the entire day.

Let me set this scene. Just as I was leaving Boondock Fonz and this other person, it began to downpour. DOWNPOUR! We stood underneath the awning contemplating the melting point of a witch such as myself and how much time off work such an event could buy me...(at least that was what I was contemplating). Small talk is wonderful in these times, it passes through the sieve of our thoughts so easily. I do not remember what was said, but this: "Heeeeeyyyy, don't be like bread with this rain!"




As abruptly as the Boondock Fonz came into the conversation, he disappated into the background with only the trails of my voice following...."I don't know what that means...?????"

I still don't know what that means. If you think you can decode my guest. I think it has something to do with soggy bread. I don't know how that relates to me, but that's as far as this pig latin-like conundrum has traveled today.

HOLD UP....this isn't the end though! This guy is certainly not simple. He's very complicated, and therefore EXTREMELY interesting! This got me thinking of New Orleans and all of the different and complicated, interesting people there are down there....

People in New Orleans ARE different, particularly the men. I was taken back in a very pleasant way by this. As I have stated to many parties, I have now forgotten how exactly one opens a door. I haven't done that in days. I also don't know how to navigate stairs without the help and balance of a man's hand leading me. I don't know how I survived before...

It was so wonderful to fool men into thinking I was a such a delicate woman. I never thought the day would come. But the fact remains, men only think about one's true and you all are right, that little fact is simple (and I mean little). It's the presentation that is complicated (to me)! I am not talking about the "hey babies" of the world, or the infamous "SHAAAWWWTTTAYYYYY!" call from the car. Those aren't the serious ones. They aren't jumping in the pool. I am talking about the get down to it, let's go fishing for a chick kind of game. There are so many lures, lines, and reels to use and I just don't get it, ask anyone that has seen me at a bar. (PS did you like how I used a fishing metaphor for meeting guys?) Men are NOT simple...

These men came up to the pair of us girlies (my cousin and myself). Read closely to the management of the same situation!

My very very VERY tall dark handsome cup of tea leaned over from a lower floor up to the balcony seat I was in so he was just shorter than me (man I am short) crossed his arms over the rail and started to chat me up.

Meanwhile: My cousin was talking to this cup of tea's matching wing tea cup and negotiating a dance. He promised to trade shoes with her if she just let down her long her and let him climb right up next to her and do a little cha cha on the dance floor. (they really did do some swing dancing of some kind...really fun!)

Back to the tall handsome cup of tea: He played it right. Man he looked just like a little labrador retriever leaning up to get as close to my lap as possible, turning his head just the way a puppy turns his to hear an interesting new sound. He smiled and played the "I'm so cute, don't you want to rub my belly?" trick, talking about leggoes and the sissy Navy (I know, I have strange interests). So, I am thinking "I totally get this, I do...I understand doggie body language...I think he wants to be my friend!"


Back to my cousin. They are cutting A RUG! SO much fun! I actually hardly notice because I am being hypnotized by this cute little puppy talk dark handsome cup of tea! But I do notice one thing: there is definitely some whisperings going on, but cousin is smiling so I think she is safe. I later find out this is what was said:

"your hotel or mine?" SIMPLE! VERY CLEAR!

Back to my labrador retriever: This is what was said to me: "You know, men are very simple creatures, women...not so much."

I am competitive. This is a challenge. I will argue!

I did argue...more of a discussion. He went to the bathroom. He came back out and a few minutes later gathered his doggy possy and left. He was polite, he said good-bye as he grabbed my knee and gave it a little squeeze. I thought "wow, what a good guy, and so cute...weird combination..."

I kid you took me three days to pick up on what happened.

"OOOOOOOOooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh." (this is what I said yesterday) "I get it now!" That cute little labrador retriever, tall dark handsome cup of tea...he wanted to hump my leg! "MEN ARE SIMPLE" = "I only want one thing from you..."


MEN ARE COMPLICATED (to me)...but they still make me laugh.

The moral of the story here is: I need an IEP.

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