Wednesday, June 26, 2013

For the birds...

So I'm out like Liberace....actually upon research, Liberace denied his homosexuality, whilst dying of complications related to aids...

Rephrase: so I'm out like the fat kid in a zombie apocalypse...

Still working on this opening.

Anyways, SLC is eating my dust, or more accurately, my salt. All that white dustiness on the side of the road is salt. Guess the ocean really wanted to stay and tried its fighting best:

It was really entertaining to drive past all of these salt desert areas. People seem to love rearranging the rocks on the side of the road to make cute little messages. There are the typical Suzy + Peter 4ever and class of '13 and all that. My favorite message you ask? It was not a message of peace or love or anything like that. It was simple and hopefully true: "my gonads!" How clever! How original! Provokes thought...

How old are you gonad boy?
What about your gonads?
Why did you go with that one?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Does she know about what's up with your gonads?


Anyways, I had decided through soggy hairless cat tears that I had enough of driving through this nation. Louisiana purchase can suck it, this place is enormous. Nevada, you're getting the Kansas shaft!

Nevada tried to trick me a few times. I just wanted to get through this state to California. It's a pretty cool looking state, nothing like Kansas. 

Actually, for men I deduce its probably something of a Mecca. Lots of hoohaas and gambling. Gambling everywhere! Hoohaas I avoided for obvious hetero reasons...

But seriously, I don't have a desire to gamble let alone a gambling problem. Slots at the gas station?! Yeah I was tempted...maybe I'll get my gas money back...

I did not stoop to gas station gambling. It was tempting though.

Anyways, Nevada is tricky:

Nice try! I won't gamble and I won't fall for the ole "Beverly hills" trick!

Ok, a little more tempted. You've obviously studied up on my nerdiness...

But then, I guess Nevada got angry because it couldn't fool me and also because I laughed at it (someone with my kind of humor but a medium security penitentiary in a town (of one penitentiary and thats it ) called Independenceville...oh your funny!).

So my penance was white knuckling the steering wheel for the rest of Nevada because of severe wind storms:

I wasn't at the pointy small bottom of Nevada either...

And, I'm no Midwestern expert, but is that going to turn into a tornado?! Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!!!

Turned out to be annoying wind that probably ruptured my ears tornado! Phew!

I arrived in California through Donner pass in Tahoe, where there is an agricultural check...what is a freaking agricultural check?! I have an apple in my car! Am I in trouble?! Is that not allowed?!

The guy at the booth took his job extremely seriously and barely looked at me while waving my car on (that's east coast sarcasm Cali).

And as soon as I got out of those gorgeous and I mean GORGEOUS mountains into civilization...

....someone cut me off. Ahhhhhhh it's almost like home! Some people here are not quite nice! And there's an ocean here! What's not to like?! I waved happily at the obviously advanced human being who cut me off and promptly shifted into fourth gear and bolted past him. Yay!

I got gas at some nothing has station and immediately saw to hot blonde chicks and thought, "we'll I guess I'm on the west coast..."

Smelled the salt in the air (how do people  live without the ocean?! Strike one and only Colorado.) and turned onto San Antonio rd.

This road is for farmers...I was in the dark and unfamiliar with California. Churning in my head...every scary movie ever....

Where is GPS taking me?! Where do the Tillmans LIVE?! 

Turns out an amazingly glorious house with a hot tub and wonderful neighbors.

West coast journey ended with a pineapple and a great visitor center worthy itinerary of things to do:

The Tillmans are fantastic human beings. I could not say one ill word about them!

Hi California!

No comments:

Post a Comment