Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Meet me in St. Louis!

Bye bye Kentucky! I still try to imagine people who actually live in Kentucky. It's a weird not quite coastal state that is kind of southern, but kind of Midwestern. There are gorgeous plantation looking houses, and obviously horse farms, but still it's a little off somehow. More plain West Virginia po-dunk country than southern. It's hard to explain...

Po-dunk...really po-dunk...(and hello?  It's Johnny...gosh!)

On my way to St. Louis I actually pulled over because my trip-o-meter was about to hit...1000!!!!!  I pulled over and slowly let the meter roll...HAPPY....awwwwwww...it doesn't go up to 1000.  You aren't supposed to take trips past 999.9 apparently. Well Hobbes....you're in for it.  I have a feeling we're going to hit the 0 mark a few times this month. Just keep trucking! (ALSO I got my first truck beep on this leg of the trip because I was car dancing.  This is becoming a sort of tradition around sun down, I don't know why but I get in a dancing mood right around then every drive)

So originally I was going to hit up Kansas City, MO (which is the same as Kansas City, KS except it's on the East side of the city.  Talk about confusing, but probably a good model for sharing for all those kindergartners out there.

Anyways...Audible on the play!  St. Louis is so much closer, and one of the first post cards I ever got from when my Daddy travelled all of the time was of the St. Louis arch.  I always wanted to go see it in person.  Guess I'm not going to Kansas City...

On a side note, I have a postcard collection from when I was little.  Originally, when my dad would travel, he'd bring little trinkets here and there. I remember I once got a little stuffed puppy dog (which I still own, totally normal).  I named him Puff, because at the time I was obsessed with Puff the Magic Dragon. It had absolutely nothing to do with Pot smoking!

Anyways, I imagine having six kids really lightened the wallet when the trips became more prevalent. Post cards are CHEAP! Also, I like them better.  Especially when you get the ones with historical descriptions and interesting facts.  And those pictures!  Makes you just want to jump into them Mary Poppins style!  And I guess that was what I was planning on doing when I changed my route to St. Louis.

So, I popped into the hotel and saw this:

Thank GOD I wasn't on that floor...I didn't think they made 13 floors anymore.  Every hotel I've ever been in skips the 13 and goes straight for 14.  This place obviously does not cater to the superstitious.  I had a guy in the elevator with me who was staying on the 13 floor. I wished him luck.  I wouldn't want to stay there...probably ghosts.

Went down to the bar for a nightcap before I went to bed.  Most of my drinking stories start this way..."I was just going to have one beer, but then..."
And that's exactly what happened.  but then...I found myself in Budweiser-ville, which my Daddy reminded me of before I went down. Dang, I hate Bud Light, I really do.  And even though I was in the city of Bud, I did not drink that crap.  Luckily they did have Budweiser alternatives and I settled for an IPA instead. Sat next to a young guy, already in his cups and swaying.  I know...it was an excellent seat choice. This particular gentleman was from new yawk. Actually, I don't want to offend anyone, he was from long eyeland.

Oh wait, let me start this story out properly: So I go to this bar and there is an Indian, a kid from Long Island, and a fat guy from Denver who is married to an Asian chick.  (It's not quite a Jew, a Catholic, and a Protestant, but it's a good start). And the bartender who had serious girl trouble. (I don't know what it is about bartenders that they spill their life story to me)

Anyways, this is what I learned: New Yorkers are annoying. They think they are the greatest thing in the world and everything in New York is the best. The best pizza, the best drinks, the best girls, the best guys...blah blah blah. Those people on the other side of the world who think Americans are obnoxious were probably talking to a New Yorker. (Let me clarify, these New Yorkers are the ones who lived there their entire lives.  I know a couple really nice people who moved there and appreciate the world outside as well as New York, which is, in fact, fabulous)  This guy was looking at me out of his soberish eyeball trying to tell me about football and I know he was trying to ruffle my feathers talking about the Eagles, he tried to tell me that he felt bad for Andy Reid. I bit my lip and chugged a beer.  And that is why I never have just one beer.

Next was the fat guy who was married to a hot Asian chick.  I know this because we started talking whiskey and he scooted down after obnoxious Long Island left. First words out of his mouth: "I'm married." I said congratulations. What the hell? Did I look like I was hitting on you? If anything I'd be hitting on whiskey right now, not the fat guy at the bar who is quite a bit my senior.  Thanks.  Anyways, he was a winner. I don't know what it is about older fellas at the bar that feel like they should be honest with me, but they need to stop!  hahaha.  This guy was trying to put a good message out there, but seriously failed.  I've never seen a hole dug so deep and quickly in my life.  He started by saying I clearly had a great personality. (alright, you better say something to go with that, I know what they say about girls with good personailities) So, I told him to keep going...

Then he said I was pretty average in looks. Wow, thanks. Ok so, I'm not a super hottie or anything so I waited for the clincher...and damn. He said that US average looking people are the best because hot people don't want competition and also, people don't want to stick around unless you have a good personality as well.  Hot people are for one night stands, us average folks are for relationships. (skkkkkkkrrrrrrrr.....WHAT?! back the heck up...US? You are putting me in the same category as an overweight balding 40-50 year old man age group? That's rude.) What's more is, that average boy married a HOT ASIAN. He is proof that his theories are all wrong.  This guy is even worse than the guy that complimented me for having tree trunk legs! So what I'm hearing from the bar scene from across the country is that I'm a fun person with a good personality and I'm very average. (this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but geez people)

He saw I was a little affronted and asked, "well, do you think you're hot?" I said no, I'm awesome. He said "But, I mean, do you think you're going to get better with age?" I said, YES, I'm going to be even more awesome! He said "But, ya know looks wise, you're kind of passed your prime." DUDE! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEE!

Thankfully this adorable little 21 year old kept coming in between us ordering the fruitiest little cocktails proclaiming his gayness verbally and physically every time he came up.  And my gay friend at the bar loved my nose ring and thought I was pretty.  Take that fat guy from Denver.

Next morning: The Arch.  Who needs a car in this city?  I don't because I brought my bike, although since driving for hours and hours, it was more like fly paper than a bike.  But I cruised around going all Asian, and taking pictures.

The bartender from the night before recommended this place.  I took a picture of their menu because I do highly recommend it if you are ever in St. Louis and want that all natural fresh farm ingredient type food.  They are a crepery, but also serve other dishes...and amazing mimosas:

AAAAANNNNNNDDDDD they're my favorite color.

To the ARCH! It's funny watching people take pictures of this thing.  It's a huge problem solving task to figure out how to get the scope and magnitutde down, especially when you try to put yourself in the picture.

Went underground into the museum:

Learned something new:

I hope you giggled....because I all out cackled and shouted "You CAN'T be serious?!"

It was a KIA, and I'm not working...but I am poor....


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